Reflections

As this wonderful, long weekend comes to a close, I sit here with my little handsome asleep on my lap. He is so perfect, children truly are the greatest blessing! I am proud to say that I have successfully made it through the past 4 days without yelling. I think this long weekend really helped, it was definitely needed.
A few minutes ago I was meandering through facebook, I saw a post from a friend. I've known this friend for years, ever since middle school. We have a rocky past but I love her to death. Her profile picture, though the same picture she's had since November, caught my eye. Its a picture of her and another mutual friend. Just killing time, I clicked on the photo to get a closer look and scrolled through the comments. Mostly comments from the two women about how they have been friends for so long. A slight stab of pain hit my heart.
You see, these women were once my very best friends. The first, really is more like a sister than a friend. But if you knew anything about my family, thats really nothing to brag about. I have siblings that I haven't seen in years. And others, I'm not really keen on seeing. My relationship with my father is damaged and torn. The foundation shaken last summer. However; that is a story for another day.
Seeing this picture flashed me back to high school, specifically the summer after my junior year. The summer when my very two best friends were no longer my friends. I still to this day do not really not know what happened. I don't know what it was I did. Now don't mistake me here for playing the victim. I'm not. Though that summer and the following year were probably the worst of my life, I know I was just as much to blame for the loss of my friends. I just wish I knew what I did, so I quit repeating it. Though we are all back on speaking terms and even friendly. Things just aren't the same, and I know they never can be, and that breaks my heart.
I'm not an easy person to like. I'm not sure if I just say all of the wrong things, but I have had someone tell me that its just something about my personality. Someone who I also once considered my best friend. I have horrible luck when it comes to making and keeping friends. I truly want to know what it is about me that drives people away. Part of me has an idea, the rest of me is in denial. No one wants to believe there is anything wrong with them.
Sorry this post really had nothing to do with the challenge. But like I said in the first post, this is pretty much my place to spill my guts. I think it kind of helps having a place that I can just vent. I can take out my hurt feelings on my keyboard, rather than my babes.


So far I'm 4 days into my challenge, and all 4 days have been a success! Heres to 4 more!
 (I have a cute little handsome to play with who just woke up)
Cheers!