A Fairly Good Day

Yesterday was a pretty decent day. I had a couple of close calls, but I was able to survive and not yell. It really is rough being sick as a mom. I feel like the cold is starting to subside, but it is still there. I'm thankful I have such great kids. Sure they have their moments, but over all, my kids are awesome. It was fun spending the evening with just the two little ones while the hubs was at a business meeting.
This weekend will be an interesting one all around. I'll be going out of town to my parents house with the babes while the hubs goes camping and hiking with some of his friends. I may not get a chance to blog over the weekend, but I'll be sure to blog when I get home. There should be some interesting stories. There almost always are when I'm at my parents house. My mom and I tend to clash. Frequently.
It should be a good learning experience. My goal is to ultimately not yell any more, this weekend is sure to test my limits. But I know I can do this, I know I can make it through the weekend without yelling. Part of the reason I'm going to stay with my parents over the weekend is because I'm not sure I could make it through the weekend on my own. My step dad absolutely adores the princess, and she adores him. It will be fun for her to go see grandpa and the horseys.
Well, this post is kind of boring and I really don't have much more to say right now. I've been yell free for 3 days! Lets shoot for 3 more! Wish me luck over the weekend! I may not get a chance to blog until Monday, but I'll try to get on tomorrow morning for updates.

Sick Day

You're probably sick when you are blasting the heat in your car on the way to work in the morning. You really have to face the music when you are sitting at your desk, shivering, with your hands wrapped around a hot cup of chamomile tea, in June. Mommies should never ever have to get sick. It makes life just so much harder.
That being said, yesterday was actually a very good day! We had a doctors appointment for little handsome in the morning, ate lunch, and all took naps. Though the nap wasn't as long as they usually take, it was nice. After the nap daddy came home from work and watched little handsome while the princess and I went out for a bit. It really was a good day.
I am proud to say that, cold and all, I was able to make it through the whole day without yelling! Woo! I feel invigorated and more determined to keep to my guns and to not quit the challenge, ever. I know that I can do this, I know that one day I'll look back and its been a year, two years, three years! Since the last time I yelled at my beautiful babes.

So this cold is seriously messing with my brain and I really cant think of much more to say, even though I know I have more to say. So I'll just go ahead and end my post for today. Two days back under my belt! Lets shoot for 2 more!

Triggers

Whew, last night was tough! There were multiple times I recognized some of my triggers and just had to walk away before I lost it. There is just something about the baby crying, the toddler shouting, and the husband blasting Josh Groban on the stereo all at once that seems to agitate me. Which leads me to my first trigger:
Noise- I have noticed that I just cant handle high noise situations very well. I cant listen to my music very loud or it stresses me out. Not in the car, not at home.
Crying- One child or the other crying I can handle. Both of them at the same time... that tends to set me off.
Fussing- Yes, there is a difference, at least in my book.
Whining- Two year olds are particularly good at this.
Too much energy- Most time this doesn't bother me too much. But bedtime is a different story. My husband is REALLY good at riling up the princess right before bed. He does it almost every night. When I've already faced too many triggers in the day, this one nearly puts me over the edge.

I was able to survive the day, but barely. At one point I ended up having to hand the baby over to the hubs and walk away. The hubs was pretty frustrated and just wanted me to stick it out. He's still getting used to my challenge. He thinks my blog is silly and that it should just be easy to turn off the yell. Easy for him, he's never been a yeller. But he complied after I explained that if I didn't walk away right that second, I would lose it. He really is a supportive husband, he just has a hard time understanding me, and why I am the way I am. We grew up in completely different ways. His family is pretty near perfect (I'm very thankful for this, and not in a sarcastic way). My family.... well we have our issues... lots of them.

I've had friends ask me "how did you turn out? How are you normal with a family like yours?" Sometimes I wonder. I'm pretty darn sure I'm not normal, I'm just really good at faking it. That being said, I am more rounded than most of my family members for one simple reason, my step-dad. He really has made all the difference in my life. The rock of stability in a sea of chaos. I'm so thankful he is a part of my life. I call him at least on a weekly basis, just to talk. I have also called him when I'm completely at my wits end, on days that my hubby is not available to call (work, school, etc).

Sorry that last paragraph was kind of a tangent but hey, I never said this blog would be perfect.

So far I have made it through 6 days! Though I've had a few close calls, I have managed to not yell. After today a week will have passed since I began my journey. Its been tough this far, and I know it will get harder before it gets easier. But I can do this! 6 days down! Here's to 6 more!!

Day 2

We all have good days and bad days, today was a good day. It's days like today that really help me feel like this goal is more within my grasp. I spent most of the day at a family members house for a bridal shower. The kids had a blast playing with family members and friends and being the center of attention. After the bridal shower, the babes, the hubs, and I went on a walk by the river near our house. It was beautiful, the weather was perfect. While strolling down the bike path I just couldn't help but think about how much I truly love my life. I am so blessed and truly grateful for my family.

This post is short but sweet. I know that not every day will be as great as today was. Bad days are bound to show their ugly faces. But all I have to do is remember the good and know that I CAN do this. Two days are in my pocket. Lets shoot for two more!

Setting Goals

As I lay here between my sleeping babies I reflect on my day. I wanted to post my goals earlier but between kids and life, I just didn't have a chance. My first goal was to make it through the day without yelling. Small goal I know but "a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" right? I am proud to say at 8:30 P.M. I've made it.

Goals are important in order to accomplish something. Especially something as difficult as changing yourself. My ultimate goal is to never yell again. As lofty as it is, thats what I want. I hate myself when I yell at my babies and my husband. I hate the look I see in my princesses eyes when mommy is angry. Its so common around our house that the hubs even cracks jokes about my yelling. We were watching the movie Up and he cracked a joke about how from now on when I yell he is going to make the mocking sound that Kevin (the bird) makes when Mr. Fredrikson is yelling at it to go away.

I know that it is highly unlikely for me to just stop yelling. Its just not that easy. So I am going to take it a day at a time. One day, that isn't too hard. I will have bad days, I know that. I might yell again. But it is so important that I do not give up. One day I will look back at this blog and my yelling will just be a memory.

So here I am, posting to myself, for myself. My Goal: One day at a time. Every morning I wake up, my goal for the day is to not yell. If I make a mistake, if I fall off the horse, I will get back up again. I will start over.

I can do this, I have to do this, I WILL do this!