Challenge Accepted

This morning while meandering through facebook a family member posted a link. That link caught my attention so I opened it. The link lead me to the hands free mama. What caught my attention you say? The post was called The Important Thing About Yelling. I read through the post and I nearly cried. It hit way too close to home. That link then lead me to The Orange Rhino. Reading through several posts I was on the verge of tears. It was as if I was reading words from my own heart.

 

I held back a breakdown so as not to attract attention from those around me as I was brought back to the many many days before. The days where I have completely lost it, the days that I screamed at my own beautiful babies. Then the guilt sank in (again). I am a horrible mother, no decent mother yells at their two year old and 5 month old children, for being just that, children. For doing things that two year old and 5 month old children do. I wanted to sink into a deep, dark hole. The same hole that I frequently wish I had on days where I just cant take it anymore.

 

After a few minutes of useless self pity I decided If she can do it, I can do it. I started searching the website for HOW she did it. HOW do you stop yelling? When its so ingrained into you! That's when I found the 12 steps and I decided that today is the day. Today, May 24th 2013, I will stop yelling at my kids.

 

It will not be an easy journey, that I know. I will make mistakes, I will fall. But I will get back up again. I WILL NOT fail! I CANNOT fail! My beautiful babies deserve so much more. I started this blog as a personal diary. One that people can read, one that people can hold me accountable for. That being said, I chose to keep this blog anonymous, I wont be sharing the link on my facebook page. I wont be sharing it with my friends and family. 

 

Why anonymous you say? Perhaps shame, perhaps fear? I'm not sure exactly why. But I also do not want to rely on this blog for success. In the past I have started a blog to better myself, I plastered the link on my facebook page. I got so discouraged and upset when I didn't get the following and the encouragement from others that I wanted. This time, this time I am doing this for me. If others find my blog by chance, awesome! If they hang around, great! If I inspire them to change, even better!

 

Another reason for keeping anonymous is because I will be writing directly from my heart. I will not be using names, not my family or my own. I will be sharing stories that affect me, who I am, and why I am the person I am.

 

If you are here, welcome to my journey.