Yesterday

Now I'm spontaneously going to break out into song (singing the Beatles of course)

No actually this post has nothing to do with the sad lyrics of the popular Beatles song. Though it is a very good one :) Ah Yesterday. It wasn't horrible. But I definitely did not do well. I feel like I'm having a harder time getting back up on the horse and starting up the challenge again. Every day seems to be more difficult. I knew this challenge would be hard but I just had no idea exactly how hard it would be.
Yesterday I got so stressed so easily. That probably had to do with the fact that I had pretty much nothing to eat all day. I forgot to take my break at work and eat breakfast (and pump). So I had part of a bagel when I got home. The princess demanded I share. No lunch for me, I had to run a few errands. It was hard enough getting lunch to the babes. That and there really is not much food in my house right now. I didn't eat until almost 7 yesterday evening. Needless to say, yelling happened, frustration happened, and I came really close to a break down.
If there is one thing you should know about me, its the fact that I cant afford to miss meals. Weight is a major major problem for me, and not in the sense most people complain about. I cannot miss meals. I lose weight so quickly, I am already way too thin. It is nearly impossible for me to gain weight. Throw nursing in there, its almost a recipe for disaster. The hubs thinks I need to quit nursing because little handsome is now 6 months old and the hubs feels nursing is putting too much of a tole on my body and mind. I  just cant imagine quitting nursing right now. I literally broke down when he told me that. I'm not ready to quit nursing, not yet. But health wise, it would be a good idea. But I just cant do it.
I need to dig deep, I need to find the root of my problems. I need to fix them. But I am just so intimidated. I don't want to talk to anyone about it. Its hard enough talking to my husband. On top of that, we cant afford it. Even if I did want to go get help, we don't have the money to do so. We have no insurance, we have no savings. We make ends meet. We spend our excess on luxuries when we are lucky enough to have excess. I don't always feel this way, I have a cycle. Right now I'm at the bottom of that cycle. I'm just hoping so desperately that it ends soon and I move towards the upside. I'm not unhappy with my life. I have everything I could have ever imagined and more. I am so blessed and so truly thankful. I really don't know the cause of my issues. Maybe its upbringing, maybe I'm just crazy.
Well, I feel like I have said this a thousand times now. But here I go, starting over yet AGAIN. Wish me luck that I make it through today and this weekend. I can do this, I can make it through today without yelling.